…. A few months makes!
I’ll cut to the chase. OH and I have split up after 6 years together. I’d love to tell you that it just didn’t work out or that he doesn’t love me anymore but I can’t because that’s not how it worked out. The truth is that he has cheated on me. Not just once , but five times! Someone please explain to me how you learn to live with that and accept it, because I just dont feel like I can!
Will somone please stop this roller coaster, I need to get off!
… that I only ever turn to this space when I just can’t face this ongoing saga alone. When I just can’t take another Facebook update for pregnancy announcements, updates, bump pics etc. I just can’t deal with any of that shit right now. But wait, OH’s sister has just “casually” (and I use that term as loosely as I can) announced that she is pregnant with her second child. It was a “I can’t keep my fucking gob shut anymore, but I have no idea how far gone I am…. I literally just peed on the stick. Right. This. Second. And shit, I’m fucking pregnant” Facebook post. How lovely, eh?
Can you tell that we’re still “trying”?
Can you tell that Cycle Day #1 is looming A-FUCKING-GAIN?
I’ve not posted anything in a little while because there hasn’t been much to update on really. My bloodwork at the end of last month came back fine for diabetes, anemia and liver function. My thyroid on the other hand is low (which I suspected), however not low enough for medication. How can something be “not low” enough to medicate? I mean c’mon, I’ve been experiencing abnormal bleeding, I’m constantly exhausted, I struggle to lose weight, I’m cold- All the time! and I just feel like my body is shutting down on me. Not to mention the struggles we’re having to get pregnant (which I might add that my GP just wasn’t interested in). Surely you’d think the doctor would take all this into consideration along with the bloodtest results and advise something? Nope.
I’m scheduled in on Friday for a repeat bloodtest, I suppose then they’ll make a final decision.
You may remember this post, where I say TTC is taking a backseat for a little while for various reasons. One mainly being if on this odd chance I fell pregnant this cycle, baby would appear at the busiest time of the year for us as a family and I just didn’t think it would be right. Well, things have moved on from that after this little message from OH.
Would you believe that my OPK was positive today.
Here goes nothing!
So my appointment with my GP left me feeling even more deflated and the bleeding has worsened. The Dr. said all my symptoms are unusual and as we’re still technically (or not technically) trying to conceive, I’m being sent for full blood work tomorrow. They’re testing for diabetes, anemia, liver function and thyroid. It’s not a fasting blood test, but still something I’m not looking forward to. My tests will be back in a week and I hope it shows something. If it comes back all clear I’ll be completely devastated and we will need make a proper appointment to talk through our fertility issues and probably more testing. I’m just completely exhausted, stressed and emotional. Wish I could just take some time off work to recoup.
I should be so lucky.
Well the bleeding hasn’t stopped and neither has my worrying. Thankfully my GP appointment tomorrow should put me at ease. To help a bit more I decided to take half a days holiday tomorrow too, which will give me plenty of time to chill out, unwind and have a lovely bubbly bath with my music up, full blast and no disturbances. I can’t wait!
Wish me luck at the GP, yeah?
Well this cycle has just been shit. Shit, shit, shit!
AF boomed into my life a day later than predicted (14th February…. Yeah, Valentines Day!) was normal as far as my cycle goes, two days of spotting prior, nothing untoward during and started to ease off about CD4 (17th February). I’m now on CD8 and is showing no signs of stopping. Not wanting to sound too graphic, it’s not like normal AF, this is light, bright red and only visible when wiping or when tensing my muscles to which it’ll drip (as would a normal blood drip) into the toilet. Sorry ladies, TMI I know.
One of the girls in work says it could be under-active thyroid, what with me being so tired recently. I’m not sure. I just want it to stop now, it’s getting me down! 😦